I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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