I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
