You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
