I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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