Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
