Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
