I'm eating all of the evidence.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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