Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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We're not piercing ourselves today.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize