I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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