It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
