i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
