So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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