If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
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We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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