What did we do last night that was yellow?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
