dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
