Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
