my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize