Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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