did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
