I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
