this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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