2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
