There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize