How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hippo gnu deer
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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