if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
