I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
