are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize