Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
