guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
