I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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