It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
