There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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