You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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