dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
as a side note pls kill me
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