I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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