I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
