Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
