I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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