Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
