the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
