Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
