Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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