I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
