we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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