Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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