I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize