My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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