Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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