Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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