He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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