What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
