hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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