We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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