im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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