she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
