a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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