I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
