If i come over, it means nothing
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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