Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize