Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
